I love the English language. It’s a unique language with a plethora of ways to express yourself, and a multitude of ways to convey one’s point. English is special in that its speakers have they ability to be able to use words like scintillating instead of “double-plus-good”. It is beautiful.
Today however, I found myself wishing I could speak another language; because today, I was at loss for words.
Today I was able to walk on history. As Rabbi Unterberg led us through the Old City, he took us below the Temple Mount, on the outside of the Kotel. He explained why there were small recesses in the stone, telling us that they had held shops, he described how the affluent members of early Jewish society could enter directly onto the Temple Mount via Robinson’s Arch. He also showed us an ancient Mikvah, where people could become spiritually clean before entering into the presence of God.
One of my favorite things to do is climb. So I did. After the explanation about the Mikvah, I climbed atop the stone that once held merchants shops and turned around. From high above the ground, you are able to see the base of the Temple Mount, the Kotel, and most of Ir David (The City of David), a genuinely breath taking sight.
And then uncertainty set in. I had never been so close to God, and I had never been so far away. There I was, high above, physically closer to God than I ever had been, and I felt nothing. Then I turned, I faced the Kotel, and I said the Shema.
Now, I don’t exactly frequent the Kotel, but I believe that there are two experiences to be had there. So I laid tefilin and began the spiritual. The first is unconditional. This experience can be achieved in a few ways, but I happened now to find mine through prayer. At least for me, awe by a massive wall, talking to God and not knowing if he hears, feeling people’s notes and becoming part of their prayers as well as your own.
The second is physical. Awed again by a colossal monolith, an impossibility given the time when it was created, but still it stands. Rocks that are hard, that are smooth, that are coarse.
They’re clearly both important, but which one is more? I couldn’t say. I look for God every day, and today I was hoping to find him. There, when I was as close to God as I would ever be, there where I walked on history, there how I climbed through my faith, I did not find God, but, now I know that I can keep searching.